Truths!!!
Visitor Number 
since September 9, 2005
Ben Stein on the Oscars...
(Sent to me from my husband, Jim.)
Now for a few humble thoughts about the Oscars.
I did not see every second of it, but my wife did, and she joins me in noting that there was not one word of tribute, not one breath, to our fighting men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan or to their families or their widows or orphans. There were pitifully dishonest calls for peace -- as if the people we are fighting were interested in any peace for us but the peace of the grave. But not one word for the hundreds of thousands who have served and are serving, not one prayer or moment of silence for the dead and maimed.
Basically, the sad truth is that Hollywood does not think of itself as part of America, and so, to Hollywood, the war to save freedom from Islamic terrorists is happening to someone else. It does not concern them except insofar as it offers occasion to mock or criticize George Bush. They live in dreamland and cannot be gracious enough to thank the men and women who pay with their lives for the stars' ability to live in dreamland. This is shameful.
The idea that it is brave to stand up for gays in Hollywood, to stand up against Joe McCarthy in Hollywood (fifty years after his death), to say that rich white people are bad, that oil companies are evil -- this is nonsense.
All of these are mainstream ideas in Hollywood, always have been, always will be. For the people who made movies denouncing Big Oil, worshiping gays, mocking the rich to think of themselves as brave -- this is pathetic, childish narcissism.
The brave guy in Hollywood will be the one who says that this is a fabulously great country where we treat gays, blacks, and everyone else as equal. The courageous writer in Hollywood will be the one who says the oil companies do their best in a very hostile world to bring us energy cheaply and efficiently and with a minimum of corruption. The producer who really has guts will be the one who says that Wall Street, despite its flaws, has done the best job of democratizing wealth ever in the history of mankind.
No doubt the men and women who came to the Oscars in gowns that cost more than an Army Sergeant makes in a year, in limousines with champagne in the back seat, think they are working class heroes to attack America -- which has made it all possible for them. They are not. They would be heroes if they said that Moslem extremists are the worst threat to human decency since Hitler and Stalin. But someone might yell at them or even attack them with a knife if they sad that, so they never will.
Hollywood is above all about self: self-congratulation, self-promotion, and above all, self-protection. This is human and basic, but let's not kid ourselves. There is no greatness there in the Kodak theater. The greatness is on patrol in Kirkuk. The greatness lies unable to sleep worrying about her man in Mosul. The greatness sleeps at Arlington National Cemetery and lies waiting for death in VA Hospitals. God help us that we have sunk so low as to confuse foolish and petty boasting with the real courage that keeps this nation and the many fools in it alive and flourishing on national TV.
Thirty-Six Sure-Fire Signs That Your Empire Is Crumbling
by David Michael Green - Sent to me by my husband, Jim.
So. You've built yourself an empire, eh?
Well, bully for you!
What's next, you ask? Well, now you've got to do what everybody does when they have an empire, of course. You've got to worry about it falling apart, mate!
But how to tell for sure? Let me see if I can be helpful. Here are some rules of thumb to keep in mind, thirty-six sure-fire indicators that your empire is falling apart:
You know your empire's crumbling when the folks who are gearing up their empire to replace yours start blowing up satellites in space. And then they don't bother to return your phone calls when you ring up to ask why.
You know your empire's crumbling when those same folks are cutting deals left, right and center across Asia, Latin America and Africa, while you, your lousy terms, and your arrogant attitude are no longer welcome.
You know your empire's crumbling when you're spending your grandchildren's money like a drunken sailor, and letting your soon-to-be rivals finance your little splurge (i.e., letting them own your country).
You know your empire's crumbling when it's considered an achievement to pretend that you've halved the rate at which you're adding to the massive mountain of debt you've already accumulated.
You know your empire's crumbling when you weaken your currency until it looks as anemic as a Paris runway model, and you're still setting record trade deficits. (Hint: Because you're not making anything anymore.)
You know your empire's crumbling when "the little brown ones" (thank you George H.W. Bush – certainly not me – for that lovely expression) in country after country of "your backyard" blow you off and proudly elect anti-imperialist leftist governments.
You know your empire's crumbling when you can't topple those governments and replace them with nice puppet regimes – like in the good old days – even if you wanted to. And you badly want to.
You know your empire's crumbling when one of their leaders comes to the United Nations and makes fun of your emperor, calling him the devil, and joking about smelling sulphur where he just stood. And though a few folks cringe, everybody laughs.
You know your empire's crumbling when just about your entire military land force is tied up in a worse-than-useless war launched on the basis of complete fabrications, that every day is actually making you less – not more – secure from external threat.
You know your empire's crumbling when almost half the soldiers in that war are high-paid mercenaries, and you don't dare institute a draft.
You know your empire's crumbling when you send soldiers into war with two weeks training and a lack of armor, and then you keep them there for three, four and five rotations.
You know your empire's crumbling when a member of the Axis of Evil can test missiles and explode nuclear warheads, and all you can do about it is mumble some pathetic warnings about how they better not do that again or there will be consequences.
You know your empire's crumbling when you even think that there is an Axis of Evil.
You know your empire's crumbling when a rag-tag military hodge-podge of irregulars has you pinned down in an endless fight you can't win, but also can't lose.
You know your empire's crumbling when you're too dumb to even ban Humvees as a first step toward ending your dependency on a foreign-owned crucial resource.
You know your empire's crumbling when you trade your prior moral leadership on human rights issues for global disgust at your torture, 'extraordinary rendition' (a.k.a. kidnaping for torture) and the dismantling of nine centuries worth of civil liberties progress.
You know your empire's crumbling when you blow off international law that you once helped create, and undermine the institutions of international governance that you once helped build.
You know your empire's crumbling when opinion polls confirm that every month you're more and more despised throughout the world.
You know your empire's crumbling when you can't even pull off the hanging of a tin-pot murderous former dictator without turning him into a hero.
You know your empire's crumbling when you're the richest country in the world, but nearly 50 million of your people don't have basic health care coverage.
You know your empire's crumbling when the World Health Organization ranks your healthcare system 37th 'best' in the world, just above Slovenia, and just below Costa Rica. (And far below Colombia, Cyprus, Saudi Arabia and Morocco.)
You know your empire's crumbling when instead of making it easier for citizens to obtain a higher education, you're making it harder and more expensive.
You know your empire's crumbling when your government gives tax breaks to industries as a reward for exporting your jobs elsewhere.
You know your empire's crumbling when the so-called 'opposition' party can't even turn that obscenity into a viable campaign theme and use it to clobber the worst emperor in your history.
You know your empire's crumbling when your middle class has been stagnant for three decades, while the wealth of the hyper-rich continues to climb through the roof.
You know your empire's crumbling when your reaction to that is to exacerbate the problem by enacting tax policies that massively increase further still the gap between the rich and the rest.
You know your empire's crumbling when the predatory class has taken over your government and is stripping the country of everything not bolted down to the floor. And then it sells the floor itself, as well, to your rivals.
You know your empire's crumbling when you're spending tens of billions of dollars you don't own on new nuclear warheads and space weapons that don't work, to be used against an enemy you don't have.
You know your empire's crumbling when one of your cities drowns and your government does next to nothing before, during and after.
You know your empire's crumbling when a massive environmental nightmare is looming around the corner, and your emperor not only ignores it, but claims it isn't real while taking steps to exacerbate it.
You know your empire's crumbling when your emperor is warned by a CIA briefer of an imminent terrorist attack of vast proportions, and responds by remaining on vacation and dismissing the briefer with the words: "All right. You've covered your ass, now."
You know your empire's crumbling when the same emperor drops everything to fly across the country from his vacation home in order to sign a bill intervening on the wrong side of a personal medical drama involving a single family.
You know your empire's crumbling when gays and immigrants are used as diversionary issues to keep people from thinking about the pillaging of their country and their wallets actually taking place. And it works.
You know your empire's crumbling when people are getting more religious and less scientific, not the other way around.
You know your empire's crumbling when your political leaders start to be chosen by dynastic rules of succession.
And you especially know your empire's crumbling when the most idiotic child of one of the least accomplished leaders in its history is not only crowned as the next emperor, but is even revered for a time by most of the public as a great one.
Rome? Britain? Spain?
At this rate we'll be lucky to end up like Belgium.
Editor's Note: David Michael Green is a professor of political science at Hofstra University in New York.
Zen for Those Who Take Life Too Seriously
Sent to me by Lex Price
1. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
5. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
6. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
11. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
22. How many of you believe in psychogenesis? Raise my hand.
23. Ok, so what's the speed of dark?
24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just do not have film.
29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
31. Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines.
32. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
33. I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
37. Just remember--if the world did not suck, we would all fall off.
38. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
"We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal."
--The Constitution of the United States of America, 1776
Liberals and Conservatives
A History Lesson
--sent to me by my brother-in-law, Lex Price
History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and, together, were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbeques and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlymen.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added)(& foo foo coffee), but most prefer white wine or imported, bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, fighter pilots, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above instead of simply laughing and deleting or forwarding it.
Early to Rise, Early to Rise
by Eileen Melia Hession
Two hours spent just eating meals,
Two hours more to cook,
One hour's worth of exercise,
One more to read a book.
Eight hours at my desk at work,
Two commuting in my car,
Two more for makeup, shower, hair
That's eighteen hours so far.
Add two more hours for cleaning the house,
And one to watch TV,
Two to spend with my husband and kids,
Now we're up to twenty-three.
Managing time isn't such a big deal,
My schedule's easy to keep,
But how long will it be 'til I feel refreshed,
On one hour a night of sleep?
Coincidence?
Received via e-mail, multiple sources..
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Cowboy Wisdom
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back in.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The
moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
surprised if they learn their lesson.
When your're throwin' your weight around be ready to have it thrown
around by somebody else.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back
in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are three kinds of men: The one that learns by reading. The few
who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric
fence for themselves.
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Do not corner somethin' that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Don't judge life by one hard season.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don't name a cow you plan to eat.
Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
Don't sell your mule to buy a plough.
It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.
If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
Only cows know why they stampede.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.
You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'till they get thumped.
If you can't sing --- dance.
Real cowboys don't line dance.
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Always ride your horse in the direction it's going.
An old timer is a man who's had a lot of interesting experiences -- some of them true.
Some men talk 'cause they got somethin' to say. Others talk 'cause they got to say somethin'.
Never trust a man who agrees with you. He's probably wrong.
After weeks of beans and tators, even a change to taters and beans is good.
Never take to sawin' on the branch that's supportin' you, unless you're bein' hung from it.
The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Talk low, talk slow and don't say too much.
A man with an edgy smile is like a god with a waggin' tail: he's not happy, he's nervous.
Tellin' a man to go to hell and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.
The best way to cook any part of a rangy ol' longhorn is to toss it in a pot with a horseshoe, and when the horseshoe is soft and tender, you can eat the beef.
Generally speaking, fancy titles and nightshirts are a waste of time.
Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
No matter where you ride to, that's where you are.
If you're gonna go, go like hell. If you mind's not made up, don't use your spurs.
Don't get mad a somebody who knows more 'n you do. It ain't their fault.
When you're tryin' somethin' new, the fewer people who know about it, the better.
Only a buzzard feeds on his friends.
Control your generosity when you're dealin' with a chronic borrower.
Speak your mind, but ride a fast horse.
Too much debt doubles the weight on your horse and puts another in control of the reins.
Go after life as if it's somethin' that's got to be roped in a hurry before it gets away.
Workin' behind a plow, all you see is a mule's hind end. Workin' from the back of a horse you can see across the country as far as your eye is good.
The only way to drive cattle fast is slowly.
Nobody ever drowned himself in his own sweat.
No tree is too big for a short dog to lift his leg on.
You don't need decorated words to make your meanin' clear. Say it plain and save some breath for breathin'.
Never lie unless you have to, and if you don't have a damn good lie, stick to the truth.
Wet dogs are never welcome.
Never take another man's bet. He wouldn't offer it if he didn't know somethin' you don't.
Never joke with mules or cooks as they have no sense of humor.
It's best to keep your troubles pretty much to yourself, 'cause half the people you'd tell 'em to won't give a damn, and the other half will be glad to hear you've got 'em.
The length of a conversation don't tell nothin' about the size of the intellect.
A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.
The wildest critters live in the city.
If you see three cowboys in the front of a truck, how do you tell the smart one? He's the one in the middle because he don't have to drive and he don't have to get out and open the gates.
Keep your rope unknotted.
If'n yer in an arena and a bull heads yer way, don't be a Matador or Toreador, jest picador and git out.
Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail, that way you can let go.
Easterner - born a hundred years too late and a thousand miles in the wrong direction.
Walk around the steaming piles.
If you follow behind the lead cow, you will step in the mess he leaves behind.
Ride like you've never been thrown.
Ya ain't hurt 'til the blood's poolin' at yer feet.
Never toss your rope before you've built the loop.
Tumbleweeds are best left to themselves.
Saloon doors are best left unswung.
Wearing gloves and buttonfly jeans means you better think ahead.
Expecting the world to treat you well because you are a nice person is like expecting the bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian.
Do not stand in front of a stampeding herd.
Sleep with rattlesnakes and you're liable to get bit.
Trust everyone but brand your livestock.
Never gunfight a sharpshooter when you only have one bullet.
If you can smell it, don't step in it.
Take time to look at the sunset.
Know which end kicks and which end bites.
Wisdom is knowing when to walk away and having a horse to make it faster.
If you've got food, clothing and shelter, you've got the meat and potatoes. Everything else is gravy.
Never argue with an idiot --- He'll drag you to his level and beat you to death with experience.
May you live under the open sky, may your trails by wide, and may your journey be far.
An excuse is a lie with a skin around it.
Don't spit into the wind.
Havin' the fastest horse in the county is only useful if you're on him when he crosses the finish line.
No matter how much horsepower your truck has, it still can't cut a calf from the herd.
Sit tall and wear a big hat.
Never slap a man that's chewin' tobacco.
An hour on your knee's is worth a day in a classroom.
Don't worry about the mule, just load the wagon.
An angry bull is less dangerous than an angry woman.
Life is never so clear, as when seen from the back of a horse.
Keep a light rein, a steady hand and a steely gaze.
Don't lay your blanket on top of a rattlesnake den.
Life is too short to ride a horse that bucks.
Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin', but you don't have to offer it a chair.
No matter where you are at, it's always shady under your hat.
Cow or human --- all females are the same. It's best not to mess with their calves.
What goes around, comes around, even if ya have to give it a push.
A word to the wise is unnecessary.
If you don't like surprises, don't take that fork in the road.
When the riding gets rough, tilt your hat down, use your spurs and get tough.
Don't overlook a nice pony in the middle of a herd of stallions. Could be the best ride of your life.
Don't let rocks in your boots keep you from walking tall.
Never eat Mexican food near an open fire.
Don't kick every rock you see.
Before you tear down a fence, make sure you know why it was put up in the first place.
Do not stand by a cow's tail when flies are biting.
Don't pet the bull.
Every tub sits on it's own bottom.
You can't always head 'em off at the pass.
The bigger the sky, the smaller the problems.
Always carry with your bedpack a hand gun, dried jerky, fresh water and a Bible.
Nothin' smells better than the green, green grass of home.
If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough.
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shoutin' - "What a ride!"
It's not how many times you get bucked off that counts, it's how many times you saddle back up.
Never let the bull get between you and the fence.
More "Truths" Coming Soon!!
Copyright © 2003 Marla Kay Urie Price